I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
