Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I could have mohawked her pubes.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
