Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
