You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
