i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
