WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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