Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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