I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
love makes seman taste better
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
