Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
