p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
