i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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