I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
