I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
