I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize