Your mouth is God's brothel.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
