Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
