I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
