He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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