One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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