I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize