i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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