I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize