On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wish I only lived at night.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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