ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
