Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
