omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
