no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
