Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
