Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
