I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize