someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
