yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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