he was CRYING into my vagina
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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