you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
