Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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