I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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