So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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