And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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