call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
