I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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