can we get nightvision for the apartment?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize