Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
