Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
