My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
