ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
