Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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