Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
