he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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