I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
