We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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