im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
