Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
