This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
