Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize