You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize