So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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