I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
