Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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