nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize