Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
