You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
