are you so shy because you have an std?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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