Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
