We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
