Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
