walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
