I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
