Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
