you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
