rhymes with "ouble enetration"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
