Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
