i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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