Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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