I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
