look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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