what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
