mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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