dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
