Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
