I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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