Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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