Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
