ugly people sure do ruin things
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
