Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
