i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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