That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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