We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
