your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
