Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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