my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
