Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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