last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
