in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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