the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
