I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
