Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
