the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
