So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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